Although last night’s reading of the Odyssey did not offer me any real interest or stimulation, a conversation between Athena and Telemachus appeared captivating enough to write an IRJ piece about. As Telemachus begins the first leg of his journey he finds himself on the shores of King Nestor’s nation, Pylos. Although he understands what information he needs to gain from this trips, the strong, determined, Telemachus seems suddenly bashful; almost as if he was scared to talk to Nestor. Other than the incessant wining that takes place in the beginning of the story, this incident illustrates another facet of Telemachus’ character. If not for Athena’s encouragement, Telemachus may have never summed up enough courage to speak to Pylos’ king. Like us, the protagonist not only showed reluctance in making a new ally but also an insecurity that contrasts with his seemingly powerful persona.

This episode illustrates something everyone has gone through at some point in their lives.  Whether it is meeting new people, a first date, or even making a public speech, being placed in a completely foreign situation has incited that sinking feeling of doubt and anxiety in everyone. Feelings of tension and worry stiffen your senses as the person begins to wonder how others perceive them. The person understands that each new word or action he generates adds on to the initial impression people will have.

My greatest battle with insecurity came in the beginning of sixth grade. With a new school and new people, I understood the importance of making a good impression; especially since this new group of people will act as my classmates for the next seven years. Nervous, tense, and extremely guarded, I remembered worrying about everything from what I wore, what I said, and what my body language indicated. After a couple of long minutes standing in a corner, I decided to take the necessary step out of my comfort zone. My first conversation with one of my fellow classmates felt like taking a long head first dive into an icy cold pool. It just so happens that that person became one of my closest friends to this day.

The events that took place in the Odyssey, in my life, and in the lives of others, illustrate one key fact. Although insecurity and anxiety never truly go away, people must never allow their feelings of fear and apprehension to prevent them from meeting new people. Even more so, these feelings must never prevent someone from living life. So many people worry about the possible dangers and repercussions of taking risks that their lives become guarded shells of mundaneness. Taking risks, exploring possibilities, and trying new things almost always generate exciting, fulfilling lives.

Only a few hours after reading Time Magazine’s newest cover story about the life altering injuries dealt in professional football, I decided to IM my friend to ask her take about this issue newest issue. She jokingly criticized me for even bothering to read when new Scrubs episodes have just been posted onto Hulu. I laughed to myself but pressed on to inform her about the article. With more awareness being drawn to injuries such as post-concussion trauma, spinal laceration, or even paralysis plaguing current and previous NFL players, Time Magazine wrote a fascinating article about a growing movement to change the game of football. My friend however, more interested in pop culture than sports, indicated her lost of interest by stating, “This is just stupid. Sports in general are just so primitive. Why do people even bother going through all this?”

Although her comment comes across a bit ignorant, her statement does provide some interesting thoughts to think about. She does possess some reason in declaring how sports seem unnecessary and archaic—or “primitive” as she so eloquently put it. After all, where is the sophistication in getting a ball into the hoop, running it over an end zone, or hitting it with a bat? Why am I an athlete?

Personally, I believe the true beauty in sports does not come from the actual objective, but the process in which a player may become successful in completing that objective. Through basketball, I was forced to endure physical, mental, and emotion hardships in order to succeed in a common goal. The potential for injury presents itself as only a minor obstacle among the many I am forced to face every practice. An athlete’s true love for the game filters out all the potential challenges he might face.

In sports, it is not the made basket or the touchdown or the homerun that gives me the sense of gratification, but rather the arduous process involved in accomplishing that feat. These things would never possess the same amount of importance if hard work and dedication was not required from me to achieve my goals. Each success in sports is never without a willingness to overcome their own physical, mental, and emotional challenges.

So when my friend asked me why athletes even bother to participate in athletics, she only needs to look at the joy athletes possess in doing what they do. Her answer lies with the fact that athletes find an unprecedented amount of satisfaction in witnessing their pure, but difficult dedication evolve into success. My journey as an athlete, much like everyone else’s, not only tested the boundaries of physical excellence, but also revealed human nature’s lust for personal challenges.

With a confused and horrified expression I reread the story of God asking Abraham to kill his son in sacrifice. In a true act of blind faith, Abraham follows God’s request faithfully. Although an angel’s last second rescue spared any blood shed from occurring, I could not help but ponder a flurry of desperate questions racing through my head. What reason does God have to ask this man to murder his child? What kind of merciful God would ask a father to do such a thing? I guess the consequences of a man’s sacrifices finds a way to pay off in the end.

With that in mind, I began to explore some parallels between Abraham’s story and the events that took place within my life. In particular, my parents’ personal stories share some similarities with Abraham’s. Although Abraham’s motivation in following through with his sacrifice remains unclear to me, I do, on the other hand, know the purposes for my parents’ sacrifices. Immigrants in a strange, new country, they sacrificed the comforts of familiar friends and family in order to provide their next generation with a better life.

Like Abraham, my parents found themselves in the bleakest of situations. Without a solid grasp on the language, culture, and characteristics of my parents’ new home, their lives became exceedingly more and more difficult. I always wondered how it must have felt to live paycheck to paycheck—praying that all these doubts you possess about your circumstances would one day go away. However, just like how God blessed Abraham for his willingness to carry out his sacrifice, things eventually began to take a turn for the better for my parents. After months of desperately trying to adapt with this new American way of life, my parents finally managed to earn that stable lifestyle they sought after for so long.

With food on the table every day, warm clothes on my back, and a roof over my head, I was born into this wonderful household without any indication of the hardships my parents had gone through; a real tribute to my them overcoming the hardships of their incredible sacrifice.

With a boiling cup of Instant Noodle, a can of Sprite, and my black radio alarm clock reminding me that the appropriate time to complete this assignment passed hours ago, I began my second IRJ of the new semester. Unfortunately, the lengthy five minute pause that followed the completion of the previous sentence appeared to foreshadow the long night ahead of me. Needless to say, tonight’s overdose on caffeine, MSG, and junk food does little in generating some compelling ideas to write about.

Desperately in need of some sort of inspiration, I decided to browse the always entertaining, domain of procrastination called Youtube. After wasting another ten minutes watching videos AJ Rafael’s cover music, hilariously inappropriate prank phone calls, and random acts of violence appearing on the “Featured Videos” section, I realized the Youtube phenomenon provides an excellent foundation for this IRJ. After conducting some brief research on the origins of this internet sensation through online blogs and articles, I finally found the inspiration to write my IRJ.

The basic concept of Youtube seems almost too simplistic to evolve into such a vital component of daily life. To put simply, Youtube merely acts as a domain in which people can share their short, video-inspired experiences with one another. Occasionally, videos of lip singing college students, children getting hit in the face, or even cats playing piano find their popularity so widespread that the providers of such videos emerge as nothing short of celebrities. But I guess that develops into more of a side topic.

Despite humble beginnings, Youtube’s has evolved into the most substantial media provider the world has ever seen. The true question, however, concerns why this internet database plays such a crucial role in our day to day lives. After all, it must take something extremely significant to distract a fifteen year old male from completing his English assignment for so long. In many ways, Youtube offers an escape from the seemingly mundane aspects of ones’ life. With only a few clicks of a button, the computer suddenly transforms into a window to someone else’s experiences. Each experience in turn provides an individual’s perspectives on life. Whether these perspectives manifest as grown men dancing to the new Hannah Montana song or a sexually explicit parody-skits of Star Wars, Youtube videos allow people to say, “hey, I was right there with them”, even though all they did was watch from their living room. To put simply, Youtube allows people to feel attached to a certain experience just by watching someone else’s video of it. Because although you yourself never truly danced to a German techno song or performed a back flip or shamelessly ran through a televised soccer game in the nude, the feeling that you somehow became a part of it fulfills this certain joy and curiosity that has transformed Youtube into a true, modern icon.

Reluctantly lowering the volume to the Laker game that evening, I opened up my Bible to Genesis for the first time since my days in Bible study class. As memories of spending excruciatingly long hours in a dark and crowded church school house began to reoccur in my mind, I cringed at the thought of revisiting Biblical text. Needless to say, noting key aspects within the chapters and copiously jotting down notes did little to improve my enthusiasm.

However, as my night’s assignment progressed, I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic about the stories I was beginning to revisit. In particular, the story of Adam and Eve, the first and most basic scriptures within the Bible, offered not only memories about my childhood but also some perspective on my development as a teenager. The story, with themes concerning temptation, ignorance, and knowledge, reminded me of a time when my personal outlook on life appeared much more religious, and consequently, much more optimistic as well. Like many young Christians, I believed each word written in that chapter came straight from the lips of God himself. I remember considering these scriptures as the most fundamental facts of life.

Like the story of Adam and Eve, my personal religious journey involved a loss of innocence.  Growing up in an era where the influences of religion are slow diminishing, further exposure to different people, views, and opinions began to produce doubts about the Biblical tales I once held so near and dear. Everything began when the story of Adam and Eve emerged as nothing more than, well—a story. My so-called innocence deteriorated after my opinions on Christianity evolved into something more rational, and unfortunately, much more cynical.

After all, how can a belief system containing so many contradictions towards basic scientific principles, common sense, and rationality also possess such a dominating influence on people all around the world? Why believe so fervently when some claim that everything has already been disproven? Although I never truly questioned the existence of God, I no longer considered myself the ideal “young Christian”. The Bible, like the religion of Christianity, just seems too outdated and specific to not possess some major uncertainties within its belief system. However, instead of protecting my faith by building a wall of denial and ignorance, I decided to test my faith by further exploring these uncertainties. I remain optimistic that although the rational mind disproves any notion that an omniscient being truly exists, a day may come when common sense and faith reach a personal compromise.

Only days after an impulsive escape from the home of her new Guardian, Lyra finds herself among a group of exotic, Gyptian travelers in Philip Pullman’s novel, The Golden Compass. Successfully hiding her from the scrutinizing British police, the travelers admit her into their large Gyptian gathering called a Roping. There, Lyra’s acquaintance with Farder Conram begins unraveling the elaborate mystery that is her early childhood. Explaining the conditions of his mother and father’s violent separation, the wise old Gyptian stated: “your father, the one condition he made, was that your mother shouldn’t be let see you. If she ever tried to do that, she was to be prevented….because all the anger in his nature had turn against her now” (Pullman 123).

This particular passage in Pullman’s novel reveals the dire consequences of an unrelenting anger. Lord Asriel’s relentless loathing towards the mother of his child dismantled Lyra’s familial support system. Orphaned and noticeably lonely, Lyra exposes a desperate desire for any sense of family throughout the novel. It is truly unfortunate that her father’s hate-fueled actions have deprived her of what she covets most. Through this internal conflict suffered by the story’s protagonist, Philip Pullman displays the harsh repercussions of hatred. An overwhelmingly profound and possessive disposition, hatred establishes itself as a sensation of dislike so powerful, it only subsides through swift, malicious action. When left unchecked, its power consumes prudent, judicious decision making and fuels the person’s reckless and irrational behavior. The consequences that ensue affect not only the person who followed hatred’s jurisdiction, but to the people around him as well.

Despite the presence of hatred, anger, and loathing in everyone’s repertoire of personality traits, they cannot be classified as true emotions. Unlike love, joy, and even sadness, whose attributes are pure and foundational, hatred and anger manifest themselves because of other emotions. Often times, feelings of fear, insecurity, and uncertainty precipitate themselves into anger and eventually hatred.

Most would argue that their presence in human nature derives from basic survival instinct. After all, the so-called “us-versus-them” mentality that developed during the era of prehistoric humans, spawned into what we view now as hatred. According to Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest” theory, maintaining this essential state of mind to guaranteed the existence of humanity despite the competitive nature of the prehistoric world. Even today, despite humanities clear dominance in the Darwinian model of existence, hatred becomes a defense mechanism to shield fear, concern, and apprehension. To prove simply, there is always a reason for why a person is angry. On the other hand, real emotions like love, joy, and sadness are not synthesized by a combination of other dispositions. It seems quite significant how one of the most powerful of attributes in human nature cannot even be classified as a true emotion.

Proposition: Despite its overwhelming nature, hatred cannot be considered a true emotion.

Daniel tightly gripped the hand of his wife as the two of them sat hesitantly in the psychiatrist’s library. His bloodshot eyes frantically shifted from the barred window, to the chandelier above him, and finally rested upon the petite, austerely dressed woman that was his psychiatrist. She returned his gaze with a forced smile and nod. Daniel’s wife placed her hand gingerly on his lap as if to tell him everything was going to be okay. The psychiatrist, whose name still escapes Daniel, gave the couple another nod to indicate that she was about to start. Almost instantly, Daniel’s wife reiterated the same story told the last five sessions.

“He’s been screaming in his sleep again doctor,” she explained as tears began to well in her eyes. “He thrashes around wildly and flails his arms like he’s trying to—” Her voice cracked and his wife was unable to continue on with the story. Daniel stared down at his feet ashamed. His sickly, gaunt frame sunk even deeper into the couch. The psychiatrist nodded emptily.

“Mrs. Wright,” she began forthrightly, “I think it would be best to help your husband recollect what happens if I placed him under a light hypnosis.” Her empty glance ignored Daniel’s horrified expression and pinpointed it straight towards his wife. She made brief, fretful eye contact with her husband and nodded sheepishly. He did not like this one bit. A sick feeling in his stomach began to rise up and constrict his chest.

The psychiatrist took a few, brief notes on her notepad and gestured for Daniel’s wife to sit next to her while she performs the procedure. She set her notepad down on her lap and walked over towards the couch. Daniel’s bony fingers met the cold, icy hand of his psychiatrist.

“Now I want you to relax Daniel,” she began. “This will only take a couple minutes. On the count of three my voice will be the only thing in this room you will obey.” Daniel closed his eyes reluctantly as she started the countdown.  He sensed the unease from his wife even though she was across the room. Her voice whispered the word one and Daniel instantly became in a deep trance. The intoxicatingly soothing voice instructed him to pretend he was lying on his bed last night and to calmly dictate everything that’s happening around him. Daniel nodded absently and continued.

“It was hot last night. Hotter than usual, even though it was raining.” he took a quick breath in between his sentence and dug deeper into the hypnosis. His voice turned into a soporific drone.

“I can hear Timothy sleeping on the baby monitor. There’s this bird that keeps staring at me from the window.”

“Is it the first time you’ve seen this bird?” the psychiatrist calmly interjected.

“No. I’ve…I’ve seen it before. It’s….it’s…” Daniel’s breathing turned into heavy gasps. His heart rate sky rocketed as his eyes suddenly filled with the images the night before.

“It’s…it’s….coming inside. the door’s opening! The door’s opening!” Suddenly, Daniels entire body shot up from the couch. His eyes opened themselves to reveal two bottomless pupils beckoning the darkest depths of insanity. Daniel’s calm diction as his opened mouth bellowed frantic wails of terror and pain. Daniel’s wife screamed inconsolably as his chest began convulsing violently. As his limbs began to controt violently, the psychiatrist forced Daniel’s weak body down and commanded him to wake up from the hypnosis. Daniel collapsed back on the couch weak and defeated from his haunting memory.

(to be continued)

As a final gift for KY and RG’s birthday celebration, I adorned a skin-tight, women’s Gilly Hick’s hoodie and sprinted across the Paseo plaza in a foolish attempt to scare an unsuspecting classmate. Returning from my expedition out of breath and unsuccessful, my group of close friends laughed at the onslaught of strange looks I was beginning to receive from pedestrians passing by the shopping center. Ashamed, I returned the hoodie back to its rightful owner and rejoined my group of friends in their circle. Fittingly enough, RG marked the culmination of the night declaring between fits of laughter, “You guys are the best!”. Despite the absence of the ridiculous looking sweater, a sensation of warmth seemed to race throughout my body. Topping off an evening full of laughter, joy, and sincerity, those five simple words, spoken so many times before, bore so much significance that particular night. The pure elation and pride that emanated from her statement, generated a sense of gratification and closeness that pervaded around this particular group of close friends.

Video: The Friendship Algorithm

Article: Illinois University’s Study on Friendship

RG’s comment, along with the events that took place during that birthday celebration, helped me to realize how truly important my friends were. Spending time with no other group of people would have made that evening any more memorable or heart-warming. It seemed fitting that after such a long, hectic school week, I found time to unwind by spending an evening with people I truly cared for. The close bond of friendship became not only apparent to me but also to those around me. As the night progressed, I witnessed friends sharing their jackets to shield another from the gripping cold, personal gifts ranging from handwritten notes to personalized CD’s exchanged, and a group of close friends simply enjoying the pure satisfaction of each other’s company. More importantly, a sense of sheer joy and love towards one another pervaded around each individual.

That night, I discovered the most joy not watching a movie, or eating, or even running around in a skin-tight Gilly Hick’s sweater, but just sitting down and enjoying our company of friends. It reinstated that the greatest pleasures in the world present themselves in the simplest of forms. Stories were exchanged, memories reminisced upon, and a sense of sheer joy and comfort became palpable. And of course, just so I could hear that wonderful laughter echoing throughout the Pasadena night life, I adorned some tight female clothing and ran around Paseo like a maniac. I remembered believing as a child that a friend is someone a person can have fun with. However, as I got older, the opportunity to develop the close bonds with some extraordinary of people helped me realize my definition of friendship was inaccurate. I finally understood that a true friend is someone you feel a mutual obligation towards. My true friends possessed the capabilities to create the most amazing environment full of warmth, joy, and love that Friday evening.

Proposition: The love from a close friendship is the simplest and purest form of joy.

Nick took one powerful dribble to his right, rose up on the elbow, and drained the shot with a satisfying swish. He jogged under the rim to pick up his basketball as the empty gym echoed from his last made basket. Nick began weaving the ball between his legs and behind his back, all the while displaying expert dexterity and skill. Following the strict rudimentary skill sets his basketball coach taught him, the dribbles were both hard and precise; almost pounding dents onto the polished hardwood floor. Nick let out an exasperated gasp of frustration after a careless mishandle forced the ball to ricochet off his ankles.

He sauntered towards the bleachers and allowed the taste of Gatorade to pacify his feelings of irritation and anxiety. Sweat, pouring through his practice jersey, began to drip steadily onto the court. Nick closed his eyes and spent the next couple minutes in deep thought. The lights began to dim as the janitors began to close up the gym for the night.

“Can ya give me another twenty?” Nick called out to one of them.  One of the workers smiled and nodded approvingly. Nick took the opportunity to take a long look around his massive high school gym.

Below the 3 California High School National Championship banners, now emptied of its hundreds of screaming fans, were an endless bundle of bleacher seats that stretched all around the gym. Chills crept up his spine as thoughts of playing in such an atmosphere reminded Nick of why he puts in these long nights on the basketball court. His devotion and undying work ethic towards achieving this goal teetered on the verge of piety.

As the scoreboard on the other end of the court flashed 10 p.m., Nick grabbed his basketball and began copiously working on his shot. With every shot that generated that resounding swish of the basketball net, his confidence began to build. Those feelings of disdain and disappointment, generated by the announcement for the varsity team roster, continued to fuel him every passing day. Each successful basket he was beginning to make became not only a tribute to his work ethic, but a clearer path towards redemption. He was determined, to the point of obsession, to recompense his early failures on the team with a strong showing in next years tryouts. As the time progressed well past the twenty minutes the janitor gave him, Nick fervently continued to drill his shots.

Finally, as his muscular, athletic frame reduced to an exhausted state, Nick lied on the gym and allowed the feelings of a productive workout to seep throughout his body. With the echoing of his basketball finally subsided in the empty gym, he dried himself off with a towel, grabbed his worn basketball, and shut the lights off the gym on his way out. Walking through the dark, empty hall, he remembered to pay a quick visit to his locker.  Grabbing a pencil lying beneath it, he marked out on his calendar another day closer towards the tryouts. Only three hundred sixty four more days to go.